


sleepless

by 616winterhawk



Category: Marvel, Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Deaf Clint Barton, M/M, Protective Clint Barton, WinterHawk Bingo, Winterhawk 2020, Winterhawk Fic, Winterhawk Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22249609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/616winterhawk/pseuds/616winterhawk
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	sleepless

Everything was normal on the Barton farm. Clint would go feed the animals as Bucky would make coffee for the both of them. Clint’s blonde hair was always a mess because he refused to brush it before going outside. Bucky tried to keep everything about him neat, his hair, his clothes, even the stubble that had begun to grow on his jawline. Bucky loved how peaceful the farm was in the mornings. He loved the smell of coffee brewing, he loved the warmth of the sun that slowly peeked through the windows, causing a soft glow. Most importantly, he loved Clint even though he could be a handful at times. That's how it was on the farm, it was Bucky’s crazy little piece of heaven that he never wanted to leave.

It wasn't until nightfall that Bucky experienced hell in its finest form.

Clint was the first one in bed as always. He liked to read a little before dozing off to sleep. Bucky shuffled his way into the room they shared and laid down, pulling the covers up to his chest. He drummed his fingers on his chest, preparing his body for sleep. He kept his breath slow and quiet, and trained his eyes on the ceiling above him. This was his ritual, without fail he did the same motions every night. He refused to close his eyes before Clint was asleep. Bucky concentrated on the slow rise and fall of Clint’s chest hoping that it would keep his mind awake. He kept rolling over carefully so he would wake up his now snoring boyfriend. Clint knows that he doesn't sleep until his body makes him, he can tell by how tired Bucky looks in the morning. Dark circles marking his face, the whites of his eyes bloodshot making the steel blue eyes, softer and lighter. Bucky rolled over one last time and shoved his head face down into the pillow, still trying to fight sleep. Before he knew it, his eyes closed and his body went limp with sleep.

—

The screaming kept tearing his mind apart. They weren't his screams, they were of the innocent. People that had been collateral damage when he went on missions as the Winter Soldier. Even though they wiped his brain after every mission, the screams never left. They latched onto him like a scared child latches on to its mother, full of fear and letting out blood curdling screams. Bucky kept trying to tell them that he was sorry. He screamed at them trying to explain what happened. But they never acknowledged him, they just kept screaming. Like banshees at night, getting louder with every word spoken to them. Darkness swallowed him, this time the screaming stopped. Everything was hazy, he felt a cold wind stinging his face. He heard voices of those he hadn't heard in a while. The Howling Commandos, they were right in front of him. They were speaking to him, but their voices were muffled by the wind. Everything was gone in a flash. He opened his eyes to see Steve, reaching out trying to grab him but the railing. It was broken, Steve couldn't reach him. Bucky quickly flung his hand out, but it broke. Before he knew it, Steve was a pinprick in the sky. He kept falling, never knowing when he was going to hit the ground. He kept screaming, calling out for Steve. For his best friend to help him, to catch him for the first time. He could see the ground, the snow covered trees where closing in on him. He could feel the coldness of the snow surrounding him as his body fell towards the icy ground. He braced himself for impact.

He jerked awake, sweat dripping from his face. His body shaking. His ears ringing. Clint, who was now wide awake, was in front of him gently placing his hands on his shoulders. He was talking to Bucky, but he couldn't hear him. His breath grew rapidly in his now tightening chest. His hands kept shaking, he couldn't breath. He motioned for Clint to move out of his way and he flung his body off of the bed and stumbled his way towards the bathroom. He stepped into the shower and turned the water to the coldest temperature it could go. Bucky held his hand over his mouth to prevent the sobs that where now racking his body, from coming out. Tears slid down his face as he let the cold water run over him. His clothes were soaked but he didn't care. He just wanted everything to stop for a moment. He just wanted to be able to sleep normally for one night, that's all he wanted. Just once peaceful night. Clint had followed him into the bathroom and was sitting by the shower, watching as Bucky forced himself to calm down.

“Hey, I need you to look at me okay?” said Clint as he reached his hand out to caress the side of his face. “Bucky please.”

Everything was still spinning. The white tile seemed too bright for his eyes. He felt Clint’s hand on the side of his face. He shifted his body to look at him. Clint’s eyes where full with worry, even though this happened every night. When his eyes met Clint’s everything stopped. The spinning, the brightness, the ringing in his ears. Clint calmed him, focused him. Made him feel grounded again.

“Are you okay?” Clint asked as he kept eye contact with Bucky. “Is it okay if I turn the water off?”

Bucky nodded. He knew if he spoke his voice would tremble, he didn't want Clint to hear that since he has already seen him panic multiple times. Clint reached up and turned the water off and handed Bucky a towel, he also grabbed extra clothes while he left the bedroom. Bucky slowly got out of the shower and dried himself off. Clint had went to the kitchen to make herbal tea, as it's the only thing he has to calm nerves. Bucky stared at his reflection in the mirror. He hated it. He hated seeing the face of something that hurt so many people. He clenched his jaw so tightly his teeth began to shake, he was furious. He gripped the sides of the sink, making sure not to break it. He stared at his reflection as tears began to well up in his eyes. He let out a sigh and dropped his head, letting the tears fall into the sink. He sucked in a breath and stood up straight, wiping the excess tears from his face and quickly changing clothes. He had already stayed in the bathroom for too long, he didn't want Clint to worry more than he already is.

Clint was standing by a large window with two cups of tea in his hands. Blankets where set up beside him and he motioned for Bucky to sit. Bucky carefully takes the tea from Clintso he doesn't spill it. He pulls one of the blankets around his him and rested his head on Clint’s shoulder. His eyes focused on the stars.

That was the good thing about it all. Watching the stars as they flickered and moved across the night sky. Clint knew that Bucky loved space. So, after the first few nights of Bucky waking up in a total panic, Clint had cut out a part of the wall and placed a giant window so Bucky could stay inside and watch them whenever he needed or wanted to. The stars, no matter where he was at or who he was with, always calmed Bucky down. They reminded him of a simpler time, before the war, before the torture. A time where he was free of the screams.

“Clint,” said Bucky as he set down his now empty tea cup. “I’m sorry for-”

“Don't you even finish that sentence Barnes.” said Clint as he flicked his eyes towards Bucky. “You do not have to apologize for anything. Do you understand? None of this is your fault. I mean it.”

Clint held Bucky’s head in his hands, making sure to keep eye contact.

“Bucky Barnes, never apologize for something that you cannot control. No matter how big or small it may seem, if you cannot control it, you do not have to apologize for it. Do you understand?” continued Clint as he searched Bucky’s gaze, trying to fight his way through the storm that was in his eyes.

Bucky just nodded, and held Clint’s wrists as he leaned forward and rested his forehead on Clint’s chest. He took in a breath and turned his body back towards the window, leaning his body against Clint’s, watching the stars fade as the sun began to rise. As his small patch of heaven came back to him in a warm embrace.


End file.
